Answered Prayers

Today has been rainy and I have been relaxing.

I wish for a full day of my emotions being relaxed. While adjusting to a new area, I've found myself feeling like a lost child. Not only with my location, but with myself, my emotions, my soul. So, no matter how much in love with this city I am, it's hard not to be on edge. It feels like my emotions are completely raw and I'm completely vulnerable.

Thus, leaving my strength and will to not fail to shine.

Now, this has all just been building up and I ended up talking to God and asking him to speak to me and give me words of encouragement.

I got nothing.

Until today.

Have you heard of the movie Elizabethtown? With Kirsten Dunst and Orlando Bloom. I have watched part of this movie once before and I remembered it as being a slow, boring movie. Today, it was not like I remembered it. Slow, but in a good, lasting way and anything but boring. I'm not a big fan of Kirsten but she did a great job in this movie. Her role was to play a unique, one of a kind girl who is unlike all the rest. Strong, yet vulnerable. She show's Orlando's character, who is on the edge of suicide, how to relax and have fun.

I don't really know what sparked it or why, but it was like God was giving me what I wanted to hear. That little push to be more.

Afterwards, I started writing about how thankful I was to have this uplifted spirit. I made myself a cup of tea and sat down with the old record player, listening to The Eagles. Which is awesome because I have been in the mood for some Eagles. I threw my phone to the side and just sat there, thinking about what it would be like to not have newer technologies such as the iPhone, a laptop, or text messaging.

Relaxing. That's what it would be like.

Dear Portland,

It's 3 weeks in and I have already learned so much from you. You have given me a sense of freedom. Full in the fact that my soul feels nourished. Not only that, you allow me the chance to be me and grow into a spiritial, creative, and honest young women. I'm really looking forward to it. Portland, you and honesty have been my best friends and I never want that to change. Please don't ever leave my side.

"Portland, Portland take me in.

Are you aware the shape I'm in?

My hand's they shake, my head it spins

Portland, Portland take me in"

The Avett Brothers - I and Love and You

(Although I changed the lryics to Portland)

Thank's Joshua for loving them so I can love them, too.

Update

I know it's been a while since I've been on here but MAN! Portland has kept me busy!

I've been here almost 3 weeks (whoa, has it really been that long?) and my days have been filled with exploring the city, hanging out with friends, great food, and job searching. This past weekend, I've been working at a temp job for Mother's Day. I didn't realize how dipping strawberries could wear you out so much. But hey, it really wasn't a bad job and I actually kind of enjoyed it. Now that my dipping days are over, it's time to get back on the job search train for a more permanent position. Although, this past week, I had a job interview for a receptionist and the interview went fantastic! That's a big accomplishment for me because interviews scare me and I get really nervous. So, most of the time I just end up bombing them, but not this one. I did GOOD. If I get the job, I will be contacted sometime this week so please pray and keep your fingers crossed. I'm not going to be down if I don't get it, just keep moving forward but I'm so ready to be working now.

There are days when I do get home sick and I really miss my family and friends, but other than that, Portland has been great! Back home, I hadn't always felt like I really belonged there. I was always searching for something bigger and better, not that back home wasn't good enough, but it just wasn't what I wanted. I wanted to explore and take adventures! Portland has given me that. In the time that I have been here, I've learned so many new things and have met some really great people. The different views, diversity, some really funky and weird fashion, it's all exhilarating. It's normal for people to be out walking or riding bicycles. For one, it's efficient and good for the environment and two, people enjoy it. You would get looked at funny back home if you rode a bicycle around all the time. The city is super into recycling and their water is filtered. I repeat, the tap water is FILTERED! Yeah, that's aweosme and I love it. The weather has been amazing lately, too. Clear, blue skies and warm. Although these next couple days is supposed to be in the high 80's, which is crazy I hear, it's been really nice.

Now that I have updated everyone (My mom is happy now!), I'm going to go and enjoy my day. :)

To my friends and family back home, I miss you.

Goodbyes...

Haven't I seen this before?

Well, I'm back. Currently in Cheyenne, Wyoming (picture above). It has been a very rough and hard day. Aside from driving for 12 hours straight, in all honesty wasn't that bad, saying goodbye to my parents was probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life, so far. I'm super close with both of my parents and when I decided that I WAS moving to Portland, I knew it was going to be hard and the thought of moving away from them made me sad but it never really hit me until my Dad was telling me good bye and turned around and gave me a look. Yes, the look that basically says "I love you, sweetheart and I'm going to really miss and are you sure you want to go through with this and, finally, do you have to leave?".... I lost it. I was trying so hard to be strong and not breakdown. Immediately, I turned around and there was my mom and I didn't know I could lose it even more, but I did. We both cried and hugged each other for ten minutes straight. I couldn't let go and neither could she. I'm her baby and she is my Mom. I walked out of the door sobbing and continued to cry for the next thirty minutes in the car. There were so many moments I almost talked myself into turning the car around and going back home, and I still have those thoughts, but I've already come this far and I know that, if I turn around, I will continue to think "what if?" and I'm not satisfied with that.

I don't really know if this was the right decision or not and I don't really know what the future holds, but I do know that I have loving parents, family, and friends. I am so grateful. 

A couple things...

1. I don't really want to jinx this, but here it goes.. My car is (hopefully!) going to be fixed, ready for pick up, and in mint condition tomorrow! I'm praying there is nothing else wrong with it.

That is my baby, people. It's a bit ridiculious how much I talk to my car.

2. I'm super stoked to read my new book! Imagine by Jonah Lehrer.

3. Spending the past week with Chris. Talk about much needed relaxing and cuddling!

4. It's okay that I have spent this past week in comfy clothes and not fixing my hair. It's, also, okay that I was frustrated yesterday for not being able to wear my heals and ended up comfy, again, anyway. Yeah, got over that FAST.

5. Oh, Chris. Come home already! I miss you.



Idaho

Aside from all the most horrible luck with my car lately, I still got the opportunity to go to Idaho and see my Aunt and cousins. My mom's side of the family moved from Idaho to Kansas back she was really young. My Aunt Jan was old enough to stay, so she did. I have seen my Aunt and cousins since but my mom has never had to opportunity to go back. She hasn't been back in 24 years! Can you believe that? So this trip was very important. It was worth 6 days stuck in a truck, there and back, for her to visit where she grew up at. It was amazing just listening to her and my dad talk about all the old times and being able to show me where she used to live. Being up in the mountains is, seriously, the most beautiful thing ever. I'm so excited to be moving Northwest in the midst of all the beauty.
Now to get my darn car fixed so I head that way and share more pictures!

Two weeks

I had every intention of putting in my two-weeks at works on Thursday. Until I realized I don't work on Thursday! What, exactly, was I thinking? Oh yeah, my brain is consumed with all the things I have to do these next two weeks and try my best not to make it go by too fast.

                                                                                  Like this..

                                                                                And this..

Oh yeah! She is shaking her fist at you!